I Could Have Done Anything I Wanted To Do
by SayidRocks
Summary: A series of short stories or one shots based on random thoughts from BAU's resident genius Dr. Spencer Reid.
1. Five Years, Seven Months, Nineteen Days

This is my first '_Criminal Minds_' story. It's a Reid-centric drabble, basically.

I don't any of the characters, and I don't own '_Criminal Minds_'.

Spoiler for the MGG directed episode titled '_Mosley Lane_' that first aired March 3, 2010; and also for the Season Four episode '_The Instincts_'.

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_**Five Years, Seven Months, Nineteen Days**_

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"As close to a miracle as I've ever seen," I told her. It was because of her faith and determination that this even happened. Eight families, while not having their children back, at least will now know the truth. Three families will have their children back. That's the miracle. It all happened because this mother refused to give up on her missing son, and would not let anyone else forget or give up either. Then she asked me how long I had been doing what I do. "Five years, seven months, nineteen days," I had replied.

As Morgan told me once, "This is about as good of a day as we're going to get on this job." That was right before he told me I could have done anything in the world I wanted with my life, but I chose to do this job. We couldn't save everyone this time, but we had managed to bring three children home. Here we are again, and I had played a part in this.

I remember every day, every hour, every minute, and every detail of every case… I can't forget any of it even if I want to. A day like today, though it wasn't perfect, makes all the horror I see on a regular basis worthwhile.

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	2. I Just Can't Lose That Coin

**Disclaimer: **The usual; I don't own '_Criminal Minds_', and I don't own any of the characters unless it's one I created.

Spoilers for '_Elephant's Memory_' (Season Three), '_Ashes and Dust_' (Season Two), and Chapter Seven of '_A Force of Nature_', a multi-chapter fanfic I have been working on in my head and am currently posting on this site.

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'_**I Just Can't Lose That Coin…'**_

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I have been looking for that coin everywhere, and I just can_not_ find it. It's the most important possession I have in my life, so how can I possibly have lost it? I have been looking for it frantically all over the house, but I still cannot find it. Morgan asked me what I was looking for and I mumbled something in reply. As much as he knows about my trauma and my drug use I have not told him about Beltway Clean Cops or how proud I am of the coin that indicates I have been clean for a year. I have had this coin for more than two years now; however, for some reason I have held back on explaining I was really at my first meeting when I told the team I had gone to a movie in explanation of why I was late to a case briefing. At the time I had been clean for ten months and was worried about relapsing. My team members _know_, Hotch especially; but I have never actually admitted to any of them I was a drug addict. I have only admitted it to this group of people who understand because of their own issues. Maybe I had simply wanted to do this by myself, as proof I was not longer the lost little boy/young man who needed protection. I remember comparing an arsonist's inability to stop setting fires to the needs of an addict who craved more and more of a drug to get the same high and stated the arsonist, like the addict, could probably not stop without help. Every member of my team had looked at me, but I had never asked for their help. I had done it on my own, I had quit on my own; and am proud of myself for having done so.

I have the night shift tonight, as I have had most nights. Morgan and Prentiss leave after dinner and I take over. It has been this way for the last few nights of guarding a potential victim from an unknown killer. We are at his house because he refuses to go to a safe house. I like talking to him; partly because he doesn't roll his eyes when I ramble on, and he actually listens to what I have to say. He calls everyone by their first names and has even been flirting with Garcia. It's funny, but Hotch intimidates him, even though I have told him Hotch is really okay. Tonight he waits until Morgan and Prentiss have left and then pulls something out of his pocket. He hands me my coin and explains he found it on his living room floor and believes I dropped it. I accept my prized possession and realize it must have fallen out of my pocket at some point. I look at him and he looks steadily back at me before turning to walk away. I realize he is not going to ask me about it, so I ask him why. He turns around and replies he knows what the coin represents; and it's none of his business and if I want to tell him about it I will. After a few moments I tell him it happened after a case. He sits down in a chair and tells me he is listening.

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	3. The Other Reid Effect

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the show; I don't own the characters, and so on and so forth…

Spoilers for the episodes '_Memoriam_' (Season Four) and '_Legacy_' (Season Two).

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'_The __**Other **__Reid Effect'_

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I don't understand it… Why does this always happen to me? It's actually kind of embarrassing, especially if Morgan happens to find out about it. If he does then I never hear the end of it. Derek Morgan thinks of me as if I am his little brother; and apparently that gives him license to tease me about anything and everything it strikes his fancy to tease me about. What is it about me that causes these ladies to pay attention to me?

It happened in Las Vegas when I was minding my own business while playing video poker when an attractive blond woman started paying attention to me. She had been sitting a few seats away and the next thing I knew she was sitting right next to me telling me I was smart _and_ handsome. Of course she couldn't just be a pretty woman who saw a guy she wanted to get to know, she had to be a hooker. By the way, how did Rossi know that so easily?

It happened in Kansas City when I was paired up with Hotch asking street people questions about an unsub. One of the girls grabbed my tie and flat out propositioned me. I pulled away, completely embarrassed, much to Hotch's amusement. By the time the two of us met up with Prentiss and Morgan every one of the several prostitutes Hotch and I had spoken to had propositioned me in some way. And Hotch just _had_ to tell Morgan about it. At the time Morgan had just smirked, but boy did he tease me about it later!

It happened during my first trip to New York when a young lady in the lobby of our hotel kept looking at me and smiling. If it had been Morgan she was looking at the reasons would have been different. However, it was me, and as it turned out, she was a call girl. Granted, she was a high priced call girl, but she was a call girl nonetheless.

It has happened other times in other cities as well.

And now what? We're in San Francisco working on a case, and we were too busy to eat dinner at the normal time. We found a Denny's restaurant that was open all night and the six of us sat in a large booth to eat a late-night meal. After bantering with Garcia long-distance for a few minutes Morgan turned his attention to giving me a hard time about a young lady sitting at the counter he thought was looking in my direction. Naturally everyone turned to see a beautiful Asian woman was indeed looking toward our table. I sighed and decided she had to be looking at Morgan, or maybe Hotch; but she couldn't be looking at me. That is, she couldn't be looking at me unless she was a lady of the evening. Morgan immediately started prodding me in an attempt to get me to talk to the girl, but no way was I going to do it. Now we're finished eating and Hotch had to join in with Morgan by instructing _me_ to sign the credit card receipt for our dinner, something he has seldom asked me to do in the past.

So now I find myself standing at the cash register only a few feet away from this very attractive woman who is definitely looking at me, and not Morgan. The question is, why is she looking at me? Finally I look over at her and say hello. She says hello back and asks me my name. I tell her my first name and she tells me her name is Aissa. I find myself asking her if she works around here, and she laughs. She climbs off her stool, leads me to a window and asks me if I can see the building almost directly across the street. I look and I see a well-lit building advertising itself as a high-class Gentleman's Club. That's where I work, she tells me. I'm on a break right now. An exotic dancer? Well, that's something new! I guess maybe strippers like me also.

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**A/N: **Other writers have written about this _other Reid effect_; both here and over at the CBS '_Criminal Minds_' boards. I just could not resist joining them…


	4. What's Happening to Us?

**Disclaimer: **The usual; I don't own them, I don't own the show, I only own the plots and characters I create.

Spoiler for '_The Performer_' (Season Five)

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'_**What's Happening to Us?**_'

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Things are somehow different now, and I'm not really sure why. We haven't been talking like we used to talk. We haven't been joking like we used to joke. During the Dante/Davies case in Los Angeles there was plenty of teasing, a lot of it at my expense. However, the last few months that has been the exception more than the rule.

I know our team has taken some very hard knocks these last few months. I was shot, Prentiss was in an accident, JJ was attacked, Hotch was stabbed; and, most horrific of all, Hotch's ex-wife Haley was murdered. Thank God Jack was okay! We have investigated some rough cases; and though we've had some successes, we've also had some failures and cases that did not turn out well.

Still, I just do not understand what's wrong with the seven of us. One of the ways we used to be able to wind down was by talking to each other; either about the case or just about random subjects that helped to distract us from the case. After my ordeal with Tobias Hankel Morgan was able to get me to tell him I was having difficulty dealing with the crime scene photos because I had nearly died myself. Even though I never actually admitted my Dilaudid addiction to him, Morgan was still always there saying "I'm standing right here," or "Talk to me," or "Reid, what's going on up there?" He would tease me about women and my lack of a love life and offer to help me out. It was exasperating, but now I miss all that teasing I got from Morgan. Morgan and Garcia aren't as playful as they once were, either.

I miss the feeling of being a team the way we used to have it. It's just not the same any longer. The team isn't the same any more. Is this what Chief Strauss wanted? To break up the family feeling we always had amongst our team members? If it is, she was wrong to want this. In my opinion, our team has been rendered less useful by the distance we now have between us. Our team being less useful may serve Strauss's political ambitions, but it does nothing to help potential crime victims and law enforcement in their times of need.

I _need_ my team and my family back. I _want_ my team and my family back. I can only hope the other six feel the same way I do.

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	5. A Sugar Rush

**Disclaimer: **See my profile.

Spoiler for '_The Fisher King: Part 2_' (Season Two), and '_The Popular Kids_' (Season One).

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'_**A Sugar Rush**_'

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My mother told me the reason I am so thin is all the coffee I drink. I am definitely thin; however I don't think coffee is the cause. After all, that would imply I substitute coffee for food, and I don't. I eat, I just also drink coffee. Now that I think about it, I suppose drinking a _lot_ of coffee might cause me to be inclined to eat less. No, that's not it, I'm naturally slender, and that's all.

I usually put a lot of sugar in my coffee. Sometimes I will only put two spoons of sugar, other times I put a lot more; sometimes as many as five spoons worth or more. There have been times when I will start putting sugar in my cup and not even realize how much has gone in until someone, often Morgan, makes a comment about it. Then I will take a sip and nearly spit it out because it's so sickly sweet tasting. If no one is looking I will dump the cup and pour another one. If Morgan or anyone else is looking, I will do my best to drink it down without dumping it. Maybe the sugar causes me to eat less? I suppose that does kind of make sense.

I know I have deliberately added a lot of sugar to my coffee in an attempt to help myself stay awake after a night with little or no sleep. Once the nightmares started I often did not get enough sleep and would drink a lot of coffee with a lot of sugar in it in an attempt to stay awake during the day while I was working. The only problem with giving yourself a sugar rush is that at some point in the day you always crash and feel incredibly tired. That's also the problem with most energy drinks, which is why I avoid them. Isn't that a contradiction for a person with a mind as logical as mine? I add sugar to my coffee to stay awake, even knowing I will crash at some point; yet I avoid energy drinks because they contain so much sugar and will cause you to crash at some point. Hmm…

Could a lack of sleep be the only reason I add so much sugar to my coffee? I catch myself doing it even when I think I've had enough sleep. Maybe I add sugar for no particular reason out of habit at least part of the time; but could using so much sugar also be a substitute for a lack of something else other than sleep?

Yesterday I was sitting in the cafeteria eating a bagel and drinking, you guessed it, a cup of coffee when I heard two agents sitting at a table behind me talking about a magazine article they had read. The article was about how some people use chocolate or other sweets as a substitute for sex or intimacy. I sighed and looked behind me to see if I recognized the agents. Then I wondered if they knew Morgan and he had put them up to it. After all he's always bugging me about my love life, isn't he? Then I got angry at the mere suggestion of such a use for the sugar I put in my coffee. I looked down at my cup and realized I had been spooning sugar into it the entire time I had been sitting here. How many spoons had I added? I stared at my cup for a moment, and then decided I had to take a sip to find out. One taste and I involuntarily spit it out, much to the amusement of Derek Morgan who chose just that time to walk into the cafeteria.

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**A/N: **I've noticed several times on the show how much sugar Reid puts in his coffee. As a matter of fact, I just watched '_The Popular Kids_' on St. Patrick's Day on DVD and Reid was just pouring sugar in. He had an explanation in this episode, but I'm not recalling right now if there's been an explanation other times other than he just puts a lot of sugar in his coffee. It's been written into several fics as well.

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	6. I Think I Screwed Up Again

Disclaimer: See my profile

Spoilers for Chapter Seven of my CM fic '_A Force of Nature_', and the episodes '_The Popular Kids_' (Season One), '_The Big Game_'(Season Two), '_Revelations_' (Season Two), '_Elephant's Memory_' (Season Three), and '_Amplification_' (Season Four).

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'_**I Think I Screwed Up Again**_'

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I've done it again! I've screwed up again! It never ceases to amaze me that, with all my education and my intelligence, I still make so many mistakes. Today Hotch removed me from a security detail because I failed to report what could have been a deliberate attack on the person I was supposed to be helping protect. It _wasn't_ a deliberate attack, but the possibility existed and I did not handle it properly.

One time on a case in Tennessee Morgan suspected something was wrong with a witness story. He sent me on an errand so he could try and make sure. I came walking back right into the middle of the situation, and the next thing I knew the witness turned suspect was holding me hostage. We both ended up being tackled by Morgan. How brilliant was I then?

In Georgia I ended up being kidnapped and held by Tobias Hankel. Though Tobias also saved my life, he and the alternate personas of Raphael and his father Charles Hankel drugged, tortured and abused me for two days and two nights. Even this situation was partially my fault. It had been my idea to split up from JJ and go around the back of the barn. I followed Hankel into the cornfield; and when I heard a shot I turned around out of concern for JJ. It was then Hankel was able to gain control of me. No sensible person voluntarily puts themselves into a situation like that; and I did help get myself out of it, but I also helped get myself into it.

In West Bune, Texas I identified with the unsub. Even though he killed several people, I still felt he still deserved my sympathy because of what had happened to him all his life both physically and psychologically at the hand of bullies. I was determined to save him, and I made a foolish decision to try and do so. I took off my gun and bulletproof vest and walked right out into the line of fire. In the end he surrendered peacefully and no one else was hurt. Hotch later told me he should fire me for what I had done, but he didn't. He even told me I was good at the job. He also made it clear if it happened again he might indeed fire me.

While we were investigating an anthrax attack Morgan and I went to the home of the scientist who had created the strain. First I cut myself on a rose bush, and then I continued walking toward the house while Morgan talked to Prentiss on the phone. I saw Dr. Nichols lying on the floor and, once again without proper thought, I rushed into the house to try and help him. However, I failed to notice the broken vial of white powder on the floor and the fact the air was blowing full blast. The next thing I knew I was locking the door to prevent anyone else from coming in, and I was infected with anthrax. The strain got into my system more quickly through the cut on my hand from the rose bush outside. You can make the argument if I had not been in there I might not have been able to help figure out where the antidote was, and thus save the surviving patients (along with myself); but if I hadn't rushed into the house in the first place we could have gone in properly suited and prepared. If we had I would not have gotten sick, and my team members and Dr. Kimora would not have had to spend all that time worrying about me.

If it weren't for Morgan and the others, I would probably be dead. If it weren't for Hotch, I would not have a job. I'm not saying I can't take care of myself, or that everything I do is a screw up or that I always put myself in danger; because I have helped to solve many cases and to save the lives of both victims and team members. However I do seem to get myself into more than my fair share of trouble. What is it about me that causes me to do this?

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	7. Adrenalin Rush

**Disclaimer:** See my profile!

Spoiler for '_Nameless, Faceless_' (Season Five), as well as any episode SSA Derek Morgan has ever tackled anyone in. Ha, ha…

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'_**Adrenalin Rush'**_

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SSA Derek Morgan is the one who tackles people. He's built for it, and he's damn good at it. I don't usually tackle people. In fact, one of the few times I ever did was when I tackled Dr. Barton to prevent him from being shot. In the process I managed to get myself shot in the leg, and it really hurt at the time. Still, I experienced an adrenalin rush I haven't often felt. Putting yourself in physical danger by doing things such as tackling someone, trying to defuse a bomb, confronting a suspect or kicking a door in causes a near euphoric headiness you can't get any other way.

Kicking a door in is another thing I don't do. Oh, I put my vest on and rush into a room with gun drawn just like everyone else, and I have confronted suspects and UnSubs before; but I don't think anyone really believes I could actually kick a door in. It's usually Morgan, or maybe Hotch, or a member of the local S.W.A.T. team that kicks a door in. It's never me. Prentiss would probably kick a door in before I would. All I would do anyway is hurt my foot; and after all those months on crutches and canes with a bum leg from being shot, I certainly don't want to hurt my foot.

So, what happened on this case today, then? Not only did I have to tackle someone, but I did it _after_ I was forced to kick in a door on my own. I guess I just couldn't wait since I was the only agent available to do it. We had a missing woman and I, accompanied by a local police officer, was supposed to be conducting an interview with the manager of an apartment building where a man who resembled our sketch of a 'person of interest' lived. We had no idea he might even be home before we heard a scream come from his apartment. I decided we couldn't wait for backup, so the officer and I went up to the door and announced our presence. Upon receiving no response I pulled a Derek Morgan and kicked the door in on my second try. Upon entering the apartment I spotted the suspect trying to escape and I tackled him, knocking him into a small table and taking it and a lamp down with us. By the time Hotch and the rest of the team arrived we had things well in hand with our missing woman being comforted by a female police officer and our person of interest turned unsub/suspect in handcuffs being put into a squad car.

After the police officer who had been with me told the team what we had done, Morgan couldn't resist giving me a hard time about kicking in my first door, and as he put it, 'scoring my first take down'. "What did if feel like, kid?" he asked me.

"Adrenalin. Feel the rush," I deadpanned.

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	8. I Can Feel It

**Disclaimer:** See my profile.

Spoilers for_ 'Lessons Learned' (_Season Two),_ 'Masterpiece' (_Season Four), '_The Instincts'_ and_ 'Memoriam' (_Season Four), and_ 'The Performer' (_Season Five).

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_'I Can Feel It'_

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I've always thought that I have good instincts. Of course over the course of my time with the F.B.I. and the BAU I have been able to learn from the best. Jason Gideon had great instincts. While interviewing the recruiter for terrorist sleepers cell at Guantanamo Bay Gideon sensed the man was holding something back when he told him our team was at that very moment breaking into one of his group's safe houses. He calmly left the room and got on the phone to Hotch directing him to immediately vacate the building, and he was right. The location was booby-trapped and the resulting explosion killed a member of a local S.W.A.T. unit that had been accompanying our agents.

Another time David Rossi sensed something was wrong when I ascertained the location where a day care owner and some of her students were being held based on geography and clues provided by the suspect. He was correct to think something was wrong since the location was booby-trapped with acid; and if we had gone in without neutralizing the acid threat first almost our entire team would have been wiped out.

Of course, believing I have good instincts doesn't mean I'm always right about everything, because there certainly have been times I was wrong. While working on a difficult missing children's case in Las Vegas I was right about finding the missing boy in the UnSub's house; but at the same time I was wrong about thinking my own father was involved in the molestation and murder of a six year old boy twenty-three years earlier. While working on the Dante case in Los Angeles my profile, right down to the type of dwelling the UnSub lived in and the fact she lived with her grandmother, was almost dead on. However there were things in this profile I was wrong about.

Today we are once again raiding a house where we believe an UnSub lives. We were able to determine the location based on my geographical profile of the UnSub's comfort and kill zone. I had also told the team the location would have a basement where our UnSub would have carried out his murderous fantasies. Two members of the local S.W.A.T. team accompanying us break down the front door of the location and Morgan, Hotch, Rossi, Prentiss and I follow them into the front room of the home with weapons drawn and ready. We split up and move from room to room in pairs declaring each area and room of the house clear. We approach the basement and Morgan, Rossi and I descend the stairs in that order. Morgan calls out our Unsub's name as he reaches the bottom of the stairs declaring we are F.B.I. and demanding

he show himself. He soon declares the basement clear of any suspects and holsters his weapon while we began examining items strewn about and opening drawers and cabinets.

Do I hear something, I think to myself. I'm not sure, but I know something is wrong. I can sense it. I can feel it. With my right hand on a cabinet door I look around trying to figure out what it is that is bothering me. I walk away from the cabinet and slowly circle the room trying to figure out what it is I am feeling. Morgan asks me what is wrong and I tell him I don't know. Suddenly I stop, though I am not sure why I am stopping. I open my phone and tell Hotch he should instruct the S.W.A.T. team to leave the house immediately. When he asks me why I don't give him a reason, but he trusts me enough to listen to me and does what I ask. I turn my head from side to side and suddenly my heart is pounding. I shout at Morgan and Rossi to get out immediately and they don't question me. The next thing I know I am shouting at Hotch and Prentiss to get out as we race up the basement stairs and through the main level of the house to the front door.

Morgan insists I go ahead of him and he is therefore the last person to leave the house. We are barely out the door before we hear the explosion behind us. The basement was rigged with C-4 explosives, enough to destroy the basement and the house and kill all of us. The concussion from the explosion sends Morgan and I flying and we land hard on the ground with Morgan partially on top of me. Rossi is asking me how I knew, and I can only tell him I could sense something was wrong. After shakily getting to his feet and then helping me up, Morgan breaks the tension by thanking me for breaking his fall. Of course. Morgan may be the tough guy, but we can usually count on him to also be the funny guy.

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	9. Of Pillow Fights and Being Ticklish

**Disclaimer: **See my profile.

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'_**Of Pillow Fights and Being Ticklish'**_

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"Hey!" I call out when the pillow hits my head. "What's the big deal?"

I can't believe I have found myself in this situation. All I had done is bring something to Garcia she accidentally left at the BAU. Our team members decided to plan separate male and female movie nights this evening. Will and Henry, plus Hotch and Jack have joined Morgan and Rossi at Morgan's house for a night of watching movies and fun. It's not the first time we've done this, and everyone needs the break, especially Hotch. I am supposed to be joining the men as soon as I can get there.

I am the last member of our team to leave the BAU today. Even Hotch is already gone since he left to pick up Jack a little while ago. Just as I finish one last file and turn my computer off my cell phone rings and Garcia is asking me if I can go into her office and get her tote bag and bring it to her on my way home. 'Why not?' I think to myself, going to her office and grabbing the bag. I look inside and see some DVDs, candy bars and packages of microwave popcorn. I wonder to myself how she could have forgotten a bag containing all the necessary items for a movie night. As I'm driving to Garcia's apartment I notice it is starting to snow again. Kind of late in the season for such heavy snowfall, I think to myself.

I arrive at Garcia's and knock. The door is opened by Emily Prentiss, who is holding a piece of pepperoni pizza in her hand. She grabs my hand and pulls me inside. I hold up the bag and tell her, JJ and Garcia I need to go join the guys. JJ grabs the tote bag and Garcia tells me I'm not allowed to leave. It's snowing too hard outside, and besides, there are four men and two boys at Morgan's house, while they have only three women. I need to stay and even things out a little she tells me. Oh, no I tell her. Morgan will never let me hear the end of it and besides I need to spend some time with the guys. Garcia strikes a pose and asks me why I would rather listen to Derek Morgan brag than look at her sexy self and I cannot help laughing. She walks over to me and smacks me on the shoulder before asking me what's so funny.

JJ picks a pillow up off the couch and whacks me with it. My mouth drops open and I ask her why she hit me. She replies that I was the best target available to her. The next thing I know Emily is grabbing a pillow and swinging it at me, and then Garcia. I manage in between laughs to tell them it's not a fair situation because I don't have a pillow of my own to fight back with and all three of them are pummeling me at once. Garcia tells me to go find a pillow then and I find myself sprinting toward her bedroom hoping she has a spare pillow I can grab. I pull one off her bed and manage to swing back at Emily just as she swings at me. She shrieks and runs back into the living room while I give chase. Now all four of us are swinging pillows at each other and laughing.

I am involved in one of the silliest situations I have ever been involved with. I am having a pillow fight with three women; and if Morgan could see this, he would be laughing his ass off! The next thing I know JJ, Emily and Garcia look at each other, and then all of a sudden the three of them start swinging their pillows at me all at once. It isn't doing me any good to protest it is three against one as I'm getting hit by their pillows, because they are just not listening! I fall, laughing, on to the couch, and now Garcia has decided it's time to tickle her boy genius. I protest more loudly now, because I really don't want all three of them to start tickling me. My protests about being tickled are not doing me any more good than my protests against being hit by three pillows at once did. I try to squirm out of Garcia's grasp and I slip off the couch and fall onto my left knee. All three ladies gasp at once, and I am finding myself grimacing slightly as I pick myself up off the floor.

Suddenly my three ladies' demeanor has changed and I am being helped up on to the couch. Garcia is placing a pillow directly under my knee to prop it up, and JJ and Emily are starting to fuss over me. I tell them I'm fine and they finally start to relax a little before apologizing for overdoing it while tickling me and possibly aggravating my healed gunshot wound. Emily picks up a DVD and puts in Garcia's player while JJ pops some popcorn and Garcia places candy bars up on her coffee table.

Suddenly I feel something light land on my shoulder. I look behind me and see that JJ is throwing popcorn at me again. Emily grabs a couple pieces herself and throws them at me. The next thing I know Garcia is joining in, and before long most of a bowl of popcorn is either in my hair or has landed in my lap. I start picking up the popcorn and flinging it back at my girls, only to have them throw it back to me again. I start laughing again as I think to myself how much better it is to be having popcorn thrown at me than water balloons. One of these days I will get Morgan for that… Right now I'm having too much fun with my girls.

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	10. Baseball Fever

**Disclaimer: **See my profile.

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'_**Baseball Fever'**_

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I think I like baseball. For someone who is as into statistical probabilities as I am, baseball is a dream sport. There are statistics for batting average, on base percentage, slugging percentage, base stealing, strikes versus balls, right handed hitters versus right handed pitchers, right handed hitters versus left handed pitchers, left handed hitters versus right handed pitchers, left handed hitters versus left handed pitchers, fly balls versus ground balls, how often a ball is hit to right, center or left field, and on and on. If you can name something that can be done in baseball there is probably a statistic somewhere for it. Left-handed pitcher Randy Johnson once struck a bird with a ninety-five mile an hour pitch when the bird flew between him and the batter at just the right moment. A television show called _'Sports Science'_ once calculated the astronomical statistical probably of something like that happening. The chances of hitting a bird with a pitch the way Johnson did are less than the chances of hitting the Powerball.

I actually look a little like Randy Johnson; he's six foot eight and slender; I'm six foot one and a half and very slender. Neither one of us looks like we have any power, yet Johnson is one of the greatest strikeout pitchers of all time. He even hit a home run once, and pitched a perfect game; both of these feats occurring after the age of forty.

I can hold my own physically when I need to. Some baseball players' look like they have a lot of power, others don't; yet some of the smaller guys in baseball are also powerful hitters. I don't get it. Morgan keeps telling me there is a lot of 'heart' involved in baseball and other sports, and that it's also important to love the game itself, as well as to love playing it. He tells me heart and the love of the game is at least as important as how powerful you are, or how much natural talent you have. He asks me why I think some fans turn out game after game, season after season when their favorite team lost more games than they won. I tell him I don't know why, and he tells me until I can figure that out I will never truly appreciate why baseball is America's past time.

I am not an athlete, even though one of the memories I do have of my father before he left me and my mother is of him coaching my Little League team and trying to get me to play. I was never much good at it, though if I had continued playing I might have gotten better. Hand-eye coordination is extremely important in baseball, and goodness knows my coordination can be unpredictable at times. Look at Ted Williams, who is considered one of the greatest hitters of all time. He didn't look like he would have a lot of power, though it was said his eyesight was so good he could see the stitches on the baseball as it came at him. You can be a powerful athlete, but if you can't coordinate your hands to swing when your eyes see the ball coming at you like Ted Williams could, you might as well not even bother trying to hit a baseball. Everyone I know would probably agree I am _not_ the most coordinated person who ever lived; therefore I'm not sure I want to even try to hit a baseball.

Baseball is also a sport of angles and distance and superstition; if you can figure out how to connect with the ball properly it goes a long way, and maybe even flies out of the ball park for a home run. If you are quick and can master how to make a turn on a ninety degree angle you can round the bases faster and advance more quickly. It would also make stealing second or third base easier. From what I can tell baseball fans love home runs, and they love to scramble to try and catch a home run ball. Players run very quickly to try and catch balls hit at them and react amazingly fast to throw to other players to catch the opponents and tag them out. Athletes in general are superstitious, but baseball players are the worst. I could write an entire psychological discourse on the superstitions of baseball players! Maybe that's something I should investigate further?

Yes, I've been watching baseball games on television the last few weeks since the 2010 season started! I am starting to find this game to be quite interesting. Morgan is telling me I need to get out and actually see a game in person. There's nothing like being there in the stands with the fans and smelling the fresh cut grass and feeling the breeze on your face, he tells me. It's not like I couldn't find a team to go and watch play. Within a relatively close distance we have the American League Baltimore Orioles and the National League Washington Nationals. Within a relatively short plane or train ride we also have the New York Mets, the New York Yankees and the Philadelphia Phillies. I have a couple days off coming up, maybe I will take Morgan's advice and go to a game in person. I connect to the Internet and find the home page for the Washington Nationals. I look for upcoming home games on their schedule and find a three game series with the Arizona Diamondbacks is starting in a few days. I reserve myself a pair of tickets and then set about trying to convince someone to go to the game with me.

The day of the game Morgan meets me at a nearby train station and can't help laughing when he sees me. I am wearing a brand new Washington Nationals baseball cap and tee shirt, and I also am carrying a brand new baseball glove. I have not owned a baseball glove since my less than stellar attempts to play Little League baseball. He teases me about being prepared, and we set out on our way.

Once we are at the ball park it does not take long for me to start understanding what he has been trying to tell me. It's definitely not the same as watching the game on television. I can smell the grass and feel the breeze on my face; and even the popcorn and peanuts we have purchased seem to taste differently than they do if I eat them at home. I try to follow what's going on, but it's not as easy as I thought it would be. Baseball does not move as fast as basketball does, for example; but you do have to keep track of balls and strikes and the number of outs per inning. Arizona comes up in the top half of the fourth inning, with their third baseman Mark Reynolds as the leadoff hitter. The score is zero to zero, but not for long. Reynolds is considered one of the games up and coming power hitters, and he gives us all an example of why that is the case. He connects with the ball on the third pitch and it easily sails over the left field wall and almost directly at where Morgan and I are sitting. I find myself reaching out for the ball and before I even realize I've done it, the home run ball is landing in my brand new glove. I look at the ball in my glove with my mouth open as Morgan and random fans around me congratulate me and slap me on the back. _Okay, now I get it. Now I begin to understand why so many people like this game so much._ I turn to Morgan and ask him if he would like to come to another game with me tomorrow.

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	11. Sometimes I Think Too Much

**Disclaimer:** See my profile.

Spoilers for _'L.D.S.K.'_ (Season One), _'Nameless, Faceless'_ (Season Five), and _'Revelations'_ (Season Two)_._

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'_**Sometimes I Think Too Much'**_

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Is it possible to think too much? Is it possible that _**I**_ think too much? Do I tend to over analyze things? I do have a logical mind, and that does tend to make me want to analyze every fact I come across. I really can't help myself. I _know_ it affects everything, I _know_ it might affect how I react both physically and emotionally to any given situation. But yet I still do it.

I've never really thought about the fact I might think too much. Oh, I don't mean all the time, but it's recently occurred to me that I do it more than I should. My friends keep trying to tell me I should 'go with the flow' more, and not over analyze every situation along with every relationship.

It's like having a test-taking phobia. You know the material; therefore it isn't logical to exhibit such fear of a test over material you already know. However, that doesn't stop you from thinking about the fact you might forget everything as soon as you sit down to take the test. I think that might be the main reason why I have so much trouble on the shooting range. I already know I can use a gun if I have to. When it counts I always hit what I am aiming at; for example, I shot Tobias Hankel in the chest with no hesitation whatsoever. I barely had to even think about it. I shot Meyers to protect Dr. Barton even after I had been shot myself. I took out Philip Dowd with one shot to the forehead, and I even had my hands cuffed together with flex-ties at the time. Yet, despite all the coaching I received from Hotch I had recently failed my firearms qualification.

Does it make sense I can make the shot when the pressure is on me and I don't have time to think? It does make sense if I liken my problems on the shooting range to a test phobia. I was always good at taking tests; however, this situation with the gun range and making the shot in the field almost seems like the reverse of a normal test situation. The shooting range is the test instead of the preparation, and the situation in the field is the material that I know so well instead of the test as I would normally expect it to be. In the field the pressure is on like I would expect if I were taking a test, but I do not have time to over analyze the material, therefore I make the shot every time. I make the shot because I have to make the shot. At the shooting range the situation is not critical so I have too much time to think.

If only I could stop thinking so much…

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	12. I'm Not Sleeping With Reid

**Disclaimer: **See my profile.

Spoilers for _'Exit Wounds' _(Season Five Original Air Date May 12, 2010).

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'_**I'm Not Sleeping With Reid'**_

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"I'm _not _sleeping with Reid," Morgan said once we were informed the Inn in Franklin, Alaska only had four rooms available. I look at him with a puzzled and annoyed expression on my face. _He_ doesn't want to sleep with _me_. Oh, really? Like it's such a picnic to share a hotel room with Derek Morgan? Garcia immediately called 'dibs' on rooming with Morgan. Lucky her! She tells her boyfriend Kevin on the phone Morgan has volunteered to sleep on the floor. Good luck to her with even being in the same hotel room with Morgan for an entire night, let alone longer if it takes some time for us to solve this case. The last time the two of us shared a hotel room Morgan spent half the night texting who knows who; and when he wasn't doing that he was watching ESPN or some other sports network or show on cable. I wanted to watch something on the Discovery Channel or A&E, but all Morgan was interested in that night was sports scores and highlights. And then he kept me awake a good portion of the time I was trying to sleep with his snoring.

Rossi tells me he guesses I'm on my own due to the fact JJ and Prentiss will be sharing, and he and Hotch have decided to share a room. Great, I guess no one _else_ wants to room with me either. Well good for all of them since apparently I am the only one who will have any peace tonight. I pick up my bags and walk indignantly toward my room, not bothering to look at my traitorous former best friend SSA Derek Morgan. As I pass her I tell Garcia good luck and that she'll need it while sharing a room with Morgan. Morgan laughs at me and tells me the problem is I talk too much, and I retort I'd rather put up with someone talking than with someone who snores loud enough to wake people up in the next room. Morgan calls after me that he doesn't snore and without turning around I respond he does a good imitation of a freight train passing by and all that's missing is the whistle. As I leave the room I hear Rossi's snicker and I feel a whole lot better.

/\

A few hours later Garcia is upset over having witnessed our UnSub killing his latest victim when she went out to fix the satellite. I certainly can understand her being upset, any normal person would be. Although he is trying to help, she is not very receptive to Morgan attempts to talk to her, and she angrily walks away from him. On Hotch's advice we all head back to bed in an attempt to catch some sleep before we have to face the day and resume working on the case. I lie awake for some time with the facts from the case swirling around in my mind, and I finally fall asleep half an hour later.

I am awakened by a loud knocking on my door and I groggily sit up in my bed. Only partially awake I loudly ask who's there and Morgan answers. I open the door part way and look at him. He tells me Garcia is upset over what happened, and does not want to let him in their room because she does not want to talk to him. Under any other circumstances I would find this funny, hilarious actually; especially in light of the fact Morgan so adamantly said he was not going to room with me. However, this involves my close friend Penelope Garcia and my ex best friend Derek Morgan, so I open the door the rest of the way and let Morgan in.

Morgan tells me he will sleep on the floor and I tell him good, because the bed is mine. I toss an extra pillow at him and tell him the minute he starts snoring he's out of the room and he insists again he does not snore. Within a few minute I am dozing off again and Morgan is already asleep. I am awakened soon after by, what else, Morgan snoring. I try to ignore him and I can't. I sigh, sit up in bed and rub my right temple. Great, I think to myself. I chuckle when I suddenly remember even though I don't have reception for my regular cellphone here; I _did_ bring it with me. It has the ability to shoot several minutes of video, and video means sound along with the pictures. I pull the phone out of my messenger bag, activate the video function, and point the lens at the sleeping Morgan from a couple feet away. Wait until Garcia sees and hears this, I laugh to myself. You say you don't snore, Morgan? That's what _you_ think, and I am about to prove otherwise!

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	13. I Didn't Have Any Plans

**Disclaimer: **See my profile.

Spoilers for _A Thousand Words _(Season Five, original air date May 6, 2010) and _Exit Wounds_ (Season Five original airdate May 13, 2010)

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'_**I Didn't Have Any Plans'**_

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When we were called to a case in Franklin, Alaska Rossi showed up at the BAU conference room wearing a tuxedo and looking like he had come from a fancy dinner date. Morgan had laughed and asked him, "What are you working on, wife number four?" Rossi's response had been to tell us that he saw us way too much.

When the case prior to the Franklin case came up Morgan, Emily and I had been sitting in the BAU talking about the fact we actually had a weekend off when JJ had brought us the case. Morgan immediately grumbled "There goes my beach house rental," followed by Emily saying she was going to miss her 'non-refundable Sin to Win weekend in Atlantic City'.

"I didn't have any plans," I found myself saying. Morgan looked at me and then turned away and sighed over his lost beach house.

I am not one of those people who believe a person needs to have plans every instance they have time off or a weekend free from work. However, this latest incident brought home to me how seldom I have any plans outside of work. Why do I so seldom have any plans? It's not that I don't have friends, because I do. It's not even that I don't have friends outside of the BAU, because I do have some. I have friends I play chess with, friends I discuss _'Star _Trek' with, and I have a neighbor whose poker game I occasionally join. However, I seldom seem to make any plans with them; whatever I do outside of work I so often do it alone. Why is that? I suppose it is at least partly due to the fact I can be called off on a case at any given time and sometimes I just don't want to bother making plans when I am likely to have to break them and disappoint my friends. It's certainly not that I want to 'wing it' either, because I'm not one for simply taking things as they come. Perhaps I should become one of those people who take things as they come, at least part of the time?

There are times when I want to be alone; and in fact I often enjoy it. Solitude can be comforting, and I can use a little comfort in my life.

There is one aspect of my situation that does trouble me; why were none of my BAU colleagues surprised when I told them I didn't have any plans? Do they believe I am incapable of having a life outside of work unless they are involved in it? Do they think I _have_ no life outside of work? It's not just about having a date or a girlfriend, and heaven knows Morgan is always trying to pair me up with some woman; it is about having friends outside of work, period. It is about having any kind of a life outside of work. Does not having any plans then mean that I don't have a life?

If my fellow team members are also my friends, then why do they so often have an 'of course not', or 'of course you don't' attitude when they find out I haven't made any plans? Why are they not surprised? Sometimes I wonder how much they care, and then I remind myself all my friends have their own lives, and are thus entitled to make their own plans without including me every time. Morgan and Garcia in particular have tried to include me in their plans, and I've explained to both of them it's not their problem or their responsibility to fix my personal life. I need to stop wallowing in my own pity, I tell myself, because I know my friends worry about me and I really do not want them to spend their time off worrying about what I am doing instead of enjoying themselves.

Once again here I am with three days off starting tomorrow and naturally I do not have anything planned in advance. I'm sitting at my desk with my legs stretched out in front of me twirling a pen with my left hand when Hotch comes out of his office and calls his goodbyes to us as he heads out to spend some time with his son Jack. Soon after he leaves Rossi and then JJ leave, followed soon after by Prentiss. Morgan looks at me and asks what my plans are, and I tell him I'm driving into Philadelphia the next day. I am not sure if he really believes me; however he nods and tells me to have a good time before he heads out himself. Garcia's cheerful self comes into view a few minutes after Morgan's departure. The only person on the planet who can get away with referring to me as 'Junior G-Man' is now looking at me and asking if her Junior G-Man is okay. I tell her I'm fine and it is clear she does not believe me. I am okay, I insist, I really am. She looks at me sadly and then kisses me on top of my head and pats me on the left shoulder.

After Garcia leaves I look around the room and see all of the BAU teams are either off like mine is, or are gone on cases somewhere. I am the only agent in this department who is still in the building, and suddenly I feel very lonely. I cannot really be the only agent out of the twenty-nine in the BAU who doesn't have anywhere else to go, can I? I stand up, grab my messenger bag and my coat, and head for the elevator. As the doors close I think to myself maybe I should take a drive to Philadelphia even if it's only to be able to answer Morgan's questions when we come back to work. After all, the distance is less than two hundred miles each way.

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3


	14. Why Is Everyone So Fascinated by My Hair

**Disclaimer: **See my profile.

Spoilers for _The Internet is Forever_ (Season Five, original airdate May 19, 2010), and _The Angel Maker_ (Season Four)

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'_**Why Is Everyone So Fascinated by My Hair?'**_

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Why is everyone so fascinated by my hair? It's just hair after all. Everyone on the team has hair, don't they? Well okay, Morgan doesn't have hair! However, that's by his choice, he could have hair if he wanted to. In my case no matter what my hair looks like someone is either commenting on it, wanting to trim it, wanting to style it, telling me it is too short, telling me it is too long, telling me it is straggly, telling me the style is wrong or who knows what else. It's _my_ hair, isn't it? I should be able to do what I want with my own hair, shouldn't I?

Over eighteen months ago we were handed the case of The Angel Maker copycat. In the conference room Morgan told me, "Nice hair, by the way," and then proceeded to mess my hair up. I fixed it again and said, "Thanks." This was not the only time he messed with my hair, there have been other times as well.

Today I show up at the BAU for our latest case in Boise, Idaho with a new hairstyle. It is shorter and it is more styled. When I walk into the conference room JJ and Garcia are standing up near the whiteboard talking about the case, and explaining what is going on. JJ takes one look at me and says, "Well, _hell_o!" A few years ago her remark might have given me that warm, tingly feeling I used to get whenever she so much as glanced in my direction; now I just smile in response. A few years ago I might also have wondered if the old look was somehow hideous or unattractive and wondered if a drastic change for the better explains her reaction to my new hairstyle; now I'm not quite as lacking in confidence as I once was. Garcia looks at me with her mouth open, but I can tell she likes what she sees.

Rossi looks at me with a puzzled expression like he has never seen me before when I sit down at the round table. Now I am back to wondering if there was either something horribly wrong with how I looked before or maybe with how I look now? No, it's probably simply that it's a fairly obvious and noticeable change for me. JJ and Garcia don't seem to find anything wrong with how I look now; or with how I looked before for that matter… Of course, JJ and Garcia are my girls!

Hotch looks at me and says, "What did you join a boy band?"

I reply "Uh, no," not quite sure why he even asked me that question. However his comment elicits laughter from Rossi, Prentiss and especially from Morgan.

What do you know anyway, Morgan? Aside from the aforementioned fact you have no hair of your own, when I do show up with a nice hairstyle you usually mess it up either by ruffling it or messing with it somehow. No more of that! Only JJ and Garcia are allowed to ruffle my hair at work. Outside of work the only person allowed to ruffle my hair is my mother or the very attractive young lady who smiled at me at Starbucks this morning…

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**A/N:** There have been so many hairstyle changes for Reid over the first five years of the show. Some of them have looked better than others, but none of them have _ever_ looked bad on him!

**A/N: **I'm not a huge fan of 'boy bands', but I do like the Backstreet Boys, so no one better dig at them! Get it? Got it? Good!

**A/N: **A couple weeks before _The Internet Is Forever_ was shown pictures of it of course showed up on official websites and elsewhere. Those pictures included at least one of MGG's cast mates messing with his hair. I personally think it looks good on him, but I'm also a sucker for long hair, especially on MGG. While long hair obscures some men's faces, with MGG it seemed to frame his face better and make him look even yummier than he already did. I also think this shorter hair style makes him look a little younger.


	15. Of Course I Have EMail

**Disclaimer:** Please see my profile.

Spoiler for _The Internet is Forever_ (Season Five, original broadcast May 19, 2010)

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'_**Of Course I Have E-Mail'**_

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Of course I have e-mail! I am not that ignorant of how things work in the world today!

I am interviewing a friend of victim Samantha Rush. She is telling me Samantha had over one thousand followers on a social networking site, and did not even know who most of them were. She mentions e-mail to me and I tell her "I actually, I don't have e-mail." Of course, that's not exactly the truth. I am just hoping she will tell me more if she thinks I need an explanation of how these sites work. After looking at me like I come from the Dark Ages she tells me 'these websites are like e-mail on crack. It's impossible to keep track of everyone.'

I know that's not strictly true, and that there are precautions you can take; however I also know some people give out way too much information much too easily on these sites. That's why I stay away from them for the most part. With so much information given out publicly so easily by site members it hardly even matters whether the site itself is secure. Samantha and her friend I am talking to use these sites for business purposes as well; however it still makes no sense to give out so much personal information in a public forum.

However, I _do_ have e-mail. Of course I have e-mail; I have a government e-mail address at work, and I also have a personal e-mail I use at home. I need an e-mail address to be able to attend university classes online and to publish some of the articles I have published and also to access some academic related websites I use regularly. I also need my government e-mail address to complete some of my reports and to answer inquiries from other law enforcements officials and agents. I have a desktop computer I use at home, and I also have a laptop I sometimes carry around with me.

I am not a hacker or a complete expert like Penelope Garcia is; however, I do know a lot about computers, more than anyone else on the team except Garcia. I am less of an expert on surfing and on these social networking sites; however I am not completely ignorant of them. I guess my saying, "I actually, I don't have e-mail," was my way of informing people I am capable of thinking on my feet just as anyone else is.

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	16. Author's Note

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE **_

Hi Everyone,

Sorry, no actual update!

I apologize for the length of time since my last update. I have been trying to do my best to work on updates, but I have had a bit of writer's block and I have not had the time to work on my story updates that I would like to have. However, I would like to assure you that I have _**not**_, repeat _**not**_ abandoned _'I Could Have Done Anything I Wanted to Do'_. I will post an update as soon as I can get to it!

In the meantime, please read my short story _**'8:46'**_ at Associated Content. I've had to split up the URL because of FanFiction . net, but you can eliminate the spaces or find the link on my profile. I also welcome your comments on this story after you read it. There is a comment form under the story there.

'_**8:46'**_- A story of September 11, 2001- A young man who could have died September 11, 2001 is left to deal with his survival and to question why he lived when so many others did not.

http : / www . associatedcontent . com / article / 8331355 / 846 . html ? cat = 44

http : / www. associatedcontent . com / article / 8331355 / 846 . html ? cat = 44

Thanks everyone for your patience!

Gail, aka 'SayidRocks'


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